


Why Do I Love? (DOMINICK "SONNY" CARISI JR.)

by RockWithItWriting



Category: Law & Order: SVU, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 15:23:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7939621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockWithItWriting/pseuds/RockWithItWriting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>requested by @/coffeeandcannolis: beep beep this is Faith officially requesting to turn my can’t sleep post into a request pretty please!!! (but only if you have the time/energy and take as long as you want I’m serious) Love you oh so much and I hope you had a fantastic spectacular first day of college! Live laugh love Sonnshine forever</p><p>word count: 910</p><p>warnings: none, poem is “why do i love” by emily dickinson</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Do I Love? (DOMINICK "SONNY" CARISI JR.)

Your breathing, for once in the three months you’d been sharing a bed with Sonny, didn’t match his. His breath was too slow, too deep to match your shallow, fatigued breathing.

Why couldn’t you just go to sleep? That’s all you wanted, really, was some damn sleep. But it was out of reach, just a few inches out of grasp and the room was spinning around you as you tried to will yourself to sleep. Nothing was working and on top of it all, your back was beginning to ache with the way you were laying, Sonny’s arm sprawled over your stomach. You were going to wake him up if you kept twisting, trying to feel better, so eventually you crawled out from under his arm and tried not to trip over the clothing he had strewn all over the floor or the books that he hoarded in the corner, right by the door.

But you managed to worm your way to the living room, one forgotten lamp lighting your way as you let your tired body drop down on it. You were physically exhausted, but mentally? You were wide awake. The ceiling was white and, you noticed, that it was cracking. Maybe Sonny would fix that- but then again, Sonny didn’t know how to fix a damn toaster so how would fixing the ceiling work out?  
  


(The toaster turned out to just be unplugged but when Sonny realized that, after all of his fiddling, it caught fire and nearly exploded. That was the first time Sonny Carisi had ever put on makeup and it was because most of his left eyebrow was singed off.)

Your mind spiraled out of control as you laid there, shivering when the AC kicked on, but you paid it no mind. You were almost about to drift off but then a figure was looming over top of you, squinting at your form, and then reaching down to shake your shoulder, see if you were awake.

“I’m up.”

“I thought so. Why are you out here instead of in bed with me?” Sonny sat down and pulled your torso into his lap, your cheek resting against his bare stomach. “Come back to bed.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” You mumbled, eyes closed, “I didn’t want to wake you up because you work such long hours but I just can’t sleep.” Sonny cooed as you whimpered, near tears with how tired you were. He sighed out of his nose and pushed you into a sitting position, reaching over with his lanky arms to reach behind the couch and grasp a book, thick and covered in dust. He let you lay back down, covering you with an afghan before he cracked open the book.

“What’re you doing?” You mumbled, mind unable to comprehend the way Sonny was holding the book above you or the way he was thumbing through it to find just the right page. He began reading, softly, tongue neatly vibrating over the prose written in the book that you couldn’t recognize. When he spoke, you immediately recognized it and a small smile grew on your face.

_“Why do I love” You, Sir?_

_Because—_

_The Wind does not require the Grass_

_To answer—Wherefore when He pass_

_She cannot keep Her place._

You sighed as one of Sonny’s hands came down to thread through your hair, massaging your scalp as you found yourself getting heavier and sleepier.

_Because He knows—and_

_Do not You—_

_And We know not—_

_Enough for Us_

_The Wisdom it be so—_

His voice was deep and soothing and your eyes drifted closed as your hand pressed flat against his curved hip, looking for purchase as the room spun with near sleep.

_The Lightning—never asked an Eye_

_Wherefore it shut—when He was by—_

_Because He knows it cannot speak—_

_And reasons not contained—_

_—Of Talk—_

_There be—preferred by Daintier Folk—_

It was ironic that Sonny chose a poem about questioning love. Why do I love? The first line setting up the tone for the rest of the poem, the reason for love.

_The Sunrise—Sire—compelleth Me—_

_Because He’s Sunrise—and I see—_

_Therefore—Then—_

_I love Thee—_

You were gone before the last line, hand slipping from his hip as Sonny set the book aside and gazed down at you. He didn’t know how much the reading meant to you until weeks later when you confessed to him the feelings you had been harboring, feelings of love. And feelings of question because why did he love you? Why would he pull himself out of bed in the middle of the night to read you poetry to help you sleep? Why would he fall in love with you?

The real question, the burning question, was how did you know you were in love? Maybe it was the burning when you thought about Sonny leaving you, as if his absence in your apartment would rupture every fiber of your being. That was how you knew you were in love.

Another way you realized the feelings you felt were love, bone deep, burning love was the dreams you had that night as Sonny slept on the couch with you, book of poetry dangling from one hand, the other in your hair. When you woke up he was still there, you were still there, the last line of poetry dangling on the edge of his lips. You gazed up at him and smiled, feeling fully rested for the first time in months.


End file.
